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POPSTROLOGY 101

WHAT'S YOUR SIGN?

THE ORIGINS OF POPSTROLOGY

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What is popstrology?

Popstrology is the science of the pop stars -- a revolutionary method for gaining self-knowledge by examining the alignment of the pop music charts on the date of your birth.

What does pop music have to do with self-knowledge?

Few of us would deny that the pop songs of our childhood played a profound role in shaping our views on life and love, but many fail to realize that this process was already at work when they first entered a world that was fairly humming with radio waves and other, deeper vibrations in the pop universe. Who was the dominant pop star in the year that you were born? Which star and which song ruled the charts at the very moment of your birth? The science of popstrology reveals how the answers to these questions are far from mere trivia, teaching us to read the pop stars carefully for critical insights into our personalities, our career potential, and our personal relationships.

What exactly can popstrology teach me?

Popstrology can be a powerful tool for revealing the source of any number of conditions. Perhaps the roots of your chronic restlessness lie in the fact that you are an ABBA born in the Year of Debby Boone. Or perhaps the key to finally overcoming your crippling sexual inhibition is to acknowledge that you are a Pat Boone born in the Year of Elvis Presley. These and thousands of other possible lessons are to be found in the pop stars, and even popstrological novices can easily learn the tools necessary to reveal them.

Does popstrology work for everyone?

In the broadest sense, yes, but strictly speaking this introduction to popstrology applies only to the tens of millions of humans born in the United States and Canada within the span of the popstrological era, which began with the Elvis Presley's first #1 single on April 21, 1956, and ended thirty-three and a third years later with Richard Marx's Right Here Waiting, on August 26, 1989.

Great, so what's my sign?

Let's look at a couple of examples. If you were born between January 12 and January 18, 1975, you were born under the influence of the #1 song Mandy, but in a year that was generally dominated by Elton John. In the language of popstrology, you are therefore said to be "a Barry Manilow born in the Year of Elton John." Someone born between April 6 and April 19 of that same year, on the other hand, was born under the influence of Philadelphia Freedom, and is therefore an Elton John born in the Year of Elton John-colloquially, "a Double Elton." So you see that there are three primary points of data in your popstrological profile: your Birth Year (or, more accurately, the Dominant Star of your Birth Year), your Birthsong (the song that was #1 on the pop charts at the moment you were born), and your Birthstar (the pop star who performed your Birthsong). Popstrologically speaking, these are the three essential forces that created you, warts and all, and each bears close examination.

What about relationships-can popstrology tell me why mine are so screwed up?

Well, popstrology can certainly help. If you are an Olivia Newton-John who keeps on falling for Rod Stewarts, or if you are experiencing certain feelings that go along with being a Double George Michael, then the roots of your troubles may be straightforward and obvious. It is more likely, however, that the answer to your relationship issues will only be revealed through an analysis or your Birthstar's relationship to the forty-five constellations in the popstrological firmament. Perhaps you resist commitment because your Birthstar is aligned with the constellation Shape-Shifter, a grouping of stars that includes the likes of Cher and Madonna. Perhaps your current partner stifles your creativity and smothers your life-spark because his Birthstar is aligned with the constellation Reaganrock, a grouping that includes the likes of Lionel Richie and Phil Collins. Constellations reflect the relationships among the stars of the popstrological firmament, and as such, they have a great deal to say about the way you relate to your fellow humans.

What if my Birthsong is really, really uncool?

First of all, it is a central tenet of popstrological thought that there are no bad pop songs-there are only songs whose deeper meanings are, shall we say, less groovy to contemplate than others. The fact of the matter is that we don't get to choose many of the things that affect our lives profoundly. Did you choose your parents? Are they "cool"? One of the greatest mistakes you could make on your road to popstrological elightenment would be to take undue pleasure or pain in the "coolness" or "lameness" of your Birthsong or Birthstar. After all, if everyone born under a cool pop song were cool themselves, there would be a hell of a lot more cool people in the world, wouldn't there? Popstrology acknowledges that we all have within us the potential to be great and the potential to stink, but the process of unlocking your positive potential requires suspending your knee-jerk aesthetic judgments and opening your ears and your mind to the valuable lessons embedded in the musical forces that shaped you.

What if I've never even heard of my Birthstar or Birthsong?

Then you've probably never even met a little thing called your true self. If the songs and stars who affected you most are total mysteries to you, it might take a little extra work to learn the lessons that popstrology has to teach you. The first step is to run, not walk, to the nearest record store or Web site to get your hands on the necessary raw material.

So does this mean that my horoscope is pure bullsh*t?

No, no, no. No more than it means that the lessons of numerology, the I Ching and the Magic 8 Ball are. It is considered a breach of professional ethics for any practicing popstrologist to urge you to reject an alternative belief system like astrology upon your embrace of popstrology. It is yours and your alone to decide in the end whether it feels as meaningful to call yourself a Pisces born in the Year of the Goat as it does to call yourself a Beatle born in the Year of the Monkees.



2004 All rights reserved. "Popstrology" is a trademark of Ian Van Tuyl.



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